I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
