Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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