just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
