Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize