Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
