Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
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