Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Is it normal to miss your booty call?
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
