You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
