you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Everything about him screamed your future.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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