I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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