idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
