so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
