my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
