the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
