where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
the day after is always just damage control
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Randomize
