Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Are we still banned from the library?
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Randomize