You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
