My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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