Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
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