in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
