do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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