I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
