she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
