Jerry, you need to find god
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
