My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Randomize
