you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
So squirting runs in the family.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
My life is pants optional.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
