she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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