So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
