it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I party with great urgency now.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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