He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
