sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
