New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
We talked him into tasing himself.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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