Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
