I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
