3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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