I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize