in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
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