so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Randomize
