there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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