New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
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