I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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