No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Randomize
