Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
