Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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