it hurts more in the daytime
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
