apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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