Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
