Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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