Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Randomize
