I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
