First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
