someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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