I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize
