It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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