i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
