yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
