Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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