dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
well, you know. whores of a feather.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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