Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
