Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Randomize
