Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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