so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize