So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Randomize
