Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
