that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
