I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
