I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Randomize
