Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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