I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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