he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
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