Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
