I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
