so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
dude i'm inner monologue high
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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