Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Randomize
