shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize