Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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