am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
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