Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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