I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
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