Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
