It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Randomize
