I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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