According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
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