good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize