i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
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