This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
