Umm I'm too high to move.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
