So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize