I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
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