Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
