I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Randomize
