i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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