Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
How does one acquire holy water?
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
